When Not to Flirt

Although it can be difficult to come up with any hard and fast rules when it comes to human interaction, there are certain situations in which and certain people with which you shouldn’t flirt.  While some of these are debatable, you ought to take them into consideration since it’s better to be safe than sorry, as the fallout from such actions can be enormous compared with the perceived benefits.

Certain locations are inappropriate to flirt in.  Some are obvious: you shouldn’t flirt at a funeral, for example.  When it comes to questions, you should ask any that are likely to have a negative answer.  When it comes to approaching people, don’t do it when they’re likely to be having a bad day (see also emergency room and sexual health clinic).  Plus it’s distracting and disrespectful for other mourners.  Elevators are a bad idea because you have a captive audience.  People tend to feel uncomfortable when they are alone and don’t have an escape route.  You’re unlikely to get a number, but you are highly likely to make someone nervous and ruin the elevator ride for everyone else present (who may also snicker after you strike out).  There is debate over whether or not it is appropriate to flirt at the workplace.  Some say it’s harmless and can create a more happy and enjoyable office atmosphere while others are opposed as it opens you up to allegations of sexual harassment and can give you a reputation (deserved or not) as someone who sleeps his way to the top or who abuses her power.  Basically, you need to exercise the Golden Rule.  Ask yourself: “Is this a place where I’d welcome flirtatious behaviour or be comfortable with observing others flirting?”  Take gender into consideration however, as women are more likely to be placed in threatening positions than men when it comes to sex and dating, so they may be less comfortable with flirting in certain locations than men.

There are certain individuals you should never flirt with.  Some, like minors, can earn you a reputation as a pervert that can be impossible to shake.  Similarly, flirting with someone while in a position of power can cost you your job and result in a date with Human Resources.  Don’t flirt with people you coach, your employees, students, or members of your congregation.  Even if you aren’t the person in a position of power, it is unwise to flirt with your superiors.  They might not appreciate your interest, be angry that you thought you could get somewhere with them, or you may earn a reputation as someone who relies on her looks and charm rather than skill and knowledge. 

Some people consider flirting within a committed relationship to be cheating while others see it as healthy and even necessary, so long as certain boundaries aren’t crossed.  The best thing to do is have a candid conversation with your partner and clearly define flirting, since you may each have different ideas about what flirting entails.  If you trust each other, you may be able to set guidelines to determine what you consider flirting and who you may flirt with any when.  Perhaps you may flirt with others in your partner’s presence (many people don’t feel threatened by some smiles and arm touching).  Or perhaps he prefers that you only do it out of his sight.  As long as you’re both honest, whatever you decide on is the best choice for you.  If you haven’t had this sort of conversation, however, you should not be flirting while in a committed relationship.  You may feel that what you’re doing is innocent and that what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him (you’d never cheat, after all), but you never know who is watching who might tell your partner what you’ve been up to.  You need to consider whether or not the freedom to flirt is worth your relationship.