Flirting with a Woman

While flirting with women comes naturally to some, others find it intimidating.  What if she rejects you?  The answer is to stop worrying so much and to not invest too much effort or emotion in women you don’t know well.  Flirting should be fun.  There doesn’t need to be a goal (getting a phone number, sex, a date, etc.).  Flirting is not a declaration of love or even an invitation on a date.  You are simply letting her know that you think she is attractive and would like to spend at least few minutes getting to know her.  If she’s not interested, it’s not a big deal.  Maybe you’re not her type or perhaps her cat was just run over.  There are plenty of other women who will want to talk to you.

The first step begins before you leave the house.  You should always make an effort to look good.  There’s nothing wrong with dressing casually, but always wash your face and brush your teeth.  You can run into a girl you know or would like to know at any time!

When you spot a woman you want to talk to, you need to get her attention.  Don’t appear from out of nowhere, stick out your hand, and ask what her name is.  Smile at her and make eye contact for a few seconds, look away, and then look back.  Repeat once or twice.  If she’s smiling back, that’s an invitation to say hello (unless she beats you to the punch!).  Try asking her a question related to your surroundings.  If she’s interested in having a conversation with you, she’ll keep it going.  If not, she’ll give you as short an answer as possible and avoid making eye contact with you. 

Once you’re talking, it gets more complicated, but also more fun.  If you see something amusing, make a joke about it to her and it can make her feel like you’re closer than you actually are and are sharing an inside joke.  If you like something she’s wearing, compliment it, just be careful not to overdo it.  Balance out compliments with some light teasing.  Does she have a degree in something difficult?  Call her a nerd.  Does she go to a rival university or cheer for the “wrong” team?  Tell her you are enemies.  Just remember to smile and keep it light-hearted.  If she makes a joke, laugh.  If you think she’s funny or has a good sense of humour, tell her so.  Ask her questions about herself, hobbies, work, and/or classes.  She’ll likely be flattered by your interest in her life and most people like an opportunity to talk about themselves.  You’ll also get a better idea if she’s someone you would be interested in dating or in getting to know as a friend. 

When you are talking to her, you should be putting your body to use.  Lean into her slightly when you’re talking.  Make sure you’re facing her even when you’re in a group.  You should mimic some of her movements.  Many people do this without noticing, but it indicates interest.  Touch her arm or hand or back quickly while you’re talking.  Run your hand through your hair once or twice, and she might wonder it what it would feel like if she did the same.  With physical contact in particular, be careful not to do overdo it or you could come across as creepy. 

If you try doing all of these things, it should be obvious that you’re interested.  If she has been talking to you, not folding her arms or avoiding eye contact, she’s likely glad that you’re interested.  Ask for her phone number if you want it.  The worst thing she can do is not give it, in which case you’ve got to chat with a good-looking woman and can use all the techniques you’ve practiced to show another attractive girl that you’d like to get to know her.