Flirting at the Library

Flirting at the library can be tricky, but once you know the pitfalls, you can be quite successful.  Similar to a bookstore, the library allows you to meet people with similar interests (or at least other readers with interests they might be willing to share with you).  You may want to choose a library other than the one you usually frequent.  If you live in a city with multiple branches, pick one close enough to your home that it’s not strange for you to be there.  If you’re attending school, try the public library.  If you aren’t going to school, try a nearby college or university library.  There should be people of all ages studying there.  Vary your location if possible since you don’t want a reputation as “that creepy guy who’s always at the library.”

Before you begin, there are some things to keep in mind.  Most people go the library to grab books and go, take a quiet moment to read, or to study or work on an assignment.  Many of these people just want to enjoy the peace and quiet or get their work done.  If they don’t seem interested in you, don’t take it personally. 

Secondly, the library is meant to be a quiet area.  Even if a person might otherwise be attracted to you and inclined to chat, she may feel awkward about doing so in a silent area and possibly upsetting other patrons.  Some libraries have areas where complete silence is expected and others where speaking in a low voice or a whisper is acceptable.  Try to find the latter and stick to these areas. 

Getting her attention in order to start a conversation may be difficult if she is hurrying to the circulation desk or absorbed by her reading.  If you decide you just want to tap her on the shoulder, be prepared for her to jump or scream.  This might disturb patrons and it’s a tossup whether she’ll be annoyed or see the humour in the situation.  You may have better luck watching for someone who is taking a quick break from her books and looks bored.  Once you have attracted her attention by making eye contact, smiling, and looking over a few times, go say hello.  Ask her a question about the library.  If she’s in a particular section, you can guess that it’s something she’s interested in or at least something she’s writing about.  If she indicates that she’s willing to keep speaking to you, try asking about her interests or why she’s there.  Then she can either teach you something or complain about the pointless essay she’s writing.  If she says she’s interested in something that some might consider boring, try teasing her by responding with a feigned yawn (while still smiling, of course) or calling her a nerd.  Make sure it’s obvious that you’re just being silly.  If she teases you back, it’s a good sign.  Always be alert for indications that she’s annoyed, bored, or wishes you’d go away.  If you pick up on any of these, smile and say goodbye.  Don’t overstay your welcome or try to ingratiate yourself.  There are plenty of other people who will want to talk with you. 

The very silence of the library can help you in your flirting endeavours.  If you have to speak in whispers, you’ll have to lean close to each other to hear what you’re saying.  Because it’s supposed to be a quiet place for studying and reading, he may feel like a bit of a “rebel” for talking and flirting there instead.  You can play on these feelings to create a sense that you’re “partners in crime” and make her feel like you know each other better than you do.


If you get a number from your partner in crime, you should feel good about it.  You’ve convinced a stranger that you’re worth getting to know better.  If not, keep in mind that you didn’t lose anything except a little time you spent talking to an attractive person, which is better than most visits to the library, right?  Strangers are really the perfect people to flirt with.  You have nothing to lose but much to gain, so flirt with them often and you’ll see an improvement in your results.