Most of the advice handed out about dating and flirting
revolves around confidence. We all know
that confidence is key, but why?
Confidence is what allows you to approach someone successfully. If you have high self-confidence, talking
even to total strangers won’t faze you.
This is because you know you’re awesome and have the ability to make
someone’s day better. Too often people
talk themselves out of meeting someone because they tell themselves that person
is busy, is with friends, they’d never waste time with someone like them, they
might shoot them down, etc. This is
silly. As long as you aren’t a creep
about it, most people are going to be flattered if you express interest in an
appropriate way. The way to do this
successfully isn’t to be good looking (though this always helps), but to be
confident and believe that you’re complimenting someone, not bothering them.
Confidence improves your interactions in every aspect of
flirting and dating. Much of our fear
about approaching someone arises from a sense that we may be rejected. Confidence shouldn’t be built on a foundation
of feedback from others. Appreciate the
feedback you receive, but don’t rely on it.
It might not always be there to motivate you and to sustain your
confidence. Plus, if you let others
build you up, you’re just as likely to let them tear you down. Confidence should be based on your values and
successes you’ve built, not material or transitory things. When you truly love yourself it doesn’t
matter whether or not someone wants to talk to you or to date you.
Confidence also makes you seem more attractive overall. A good-looking person is less attractive
without it and an average person is more attractive with it. Looks always come into play. We should never date people we aren’t
attracted to but when someone is confident enough to be themselves regardless
of what others think, it’s an appealing quality. Some people claim to be put off by
confidence, particular in women. These
people are either confusing confidence with arrogance, are lying, or only want
to date someone they can easily manipulate.
If someone gets angry at you for making the first move, let them
go. If someone doesn’t like the
confident person you are, why would you want to waste your time getting to know
them anyway?
Having confidence means that you put less pressure on
others. Confident people don’t need a partner, they want one. Most people want to be wanted by someone
whose life is complete as it is rather than to be needed by someone. A confident person is happy to let
friendships and relationships develop at their own pace rather than pressuring
people to move forward on their timeline.
People want to feel special and need isn’t going to do that. They don’t want to feel like you’re
desperate for sex or for a relationship. They want to feel like you had options
and chose them. A confident person is
more likely to be seeing multiple people in the early stages as well, lessening
the pressure to get serious on everyone involved.
Most
people prefer to spend time with those that are confident as the constant
reassurance that unconfident people need is exhausting and draining. People who have low confidence have a hard
time accepting compliments, choosing instead to minimize whatever caused you to
compliment them in the first place, and forcing you to argue with them over
their own merits. They require constant
support to keep from lapsing into self-hatred.
The little confidence they do have is based on the assurance they receive from others. They are more likely to be unfaithful or
engage in unsafe sexual practices because they need to maintain peoples’ sexual
interest to shore up their self-worth.
They may be more flirtatious than others to make themselves feel
better. It’s never an equal partnership
and you can’t blame anyone for not wanting to take responsibility for anyone
else’s happiness. If your confidence is
low, work on it before trying to enter a relationship.
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