Approaching Someone without Coming across as Creepy

Even people who are confident in other areas of their lives can have difficulty approaching people, especially strangers.  It’s normal to be a little nervous.  This is reasonable because you have no way of knowing for sure how another person will react to you.  However, there are certain things you can do to increase your chances of a positive result and lower your odds of coming across as creepy.

1.       Always look your best.  Drink lots of water, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, exercise, get enough sleep, bathe, shave, and brush your teeth.  Make sure that your clothes are comfortable and fit you well.  When you know you look the best you can, you’ll be able to focus on more important things.

2.       Don’t approach anyone with a goal in mind.  This makes you look creepy or desperate.  Confident people would only consider asking someone out or giving them their phone number after they’ve talked to them for a while and found them friendly and engaging.  It’s obvious when someone is approaching for a reason.  It shows a lack of respect as the approach is more about filling a need than getting to know the approachee.  You’re also less likely to be disappointed.  If your goal is to take someone home and instead you have a wonderful night, dance with someone, and then kiss them goodbye, that great night becomes a failure, rather than what it actually was.

3.       Practice with strangers, whether or not you’re attracted to them, at every opportunity you get.  This will make approaching the people you’re really interested in easier.  Plus, if things don’t go well, you’ll likely never see that person again.

4.       Don’t talk yourself out of doing it.  We can be experts at coming up with excuses as to why we shouldn’t try something.  Maybe they’re busy or maybe you’ll blow them away, but you’ll never know unless you try.  Many attractive people are rarely approached because others are too intimidated to say hello.

5.       Make eye contact and smile, first.  You’ll be less likely to sneak up on them and they’ll be able to express their interest in talking to you or lack thereof. If she makes eye contact and smiles repeatedly she’s probably interested in a conversation.  If she avoids it and fiddles with anything at hand, she probably isn’t. 

6.       Don’t use lines.  Just saying something honest like “Hi, I’m ____.  I just saw you and thought I’d be social and say hello” works well.  Lines scream “I’m insecure and had to learn how to fake confidence.”  Also, it makes you seem like a game player.  Honesty takes more confidence.   

7.       If you have something in common, talk about it.  Do you go to the same school?  Cheer for the same team?  Did you meet at a show?  Then you have a ready-made conversation topic.  Just move on to something else fairly quickly so that they don’t get bored.

8.       Don’t instinctively offer to by someone a drink.  It may make you seem insecure, like you have to offer someone something in exchange for their time, or it may make them feel like you’re trying to buy them or make them think you feel entitled to “favours” in return for your “generosity”.  If you’ve talked to someone for a while, feel free to buy them one, just remember that it’s a gift and that anyone who accepts it is in no way obligated to you.  Don’t buy drinks you can’t afford.  Try to look at it like buying a lottery ticket.  There’s a slim chance at winning, but mostly likely you just kissed a few dollars goodbye.  The point, though, is to have fun.