Top Ten Tips

Most people here are looking for information on how to flirt effectively.  For some it’s instinctual and for others it’s a skill that needs to be practiced and developed.  Without further ado, he’s a list of the Top ten Flirting Tips.

1. Look your best. Shave, bath regularly, wash your face, brush your teeth, get enough sleep, eat well, and exercise.  Wear clothes that fit well and are comfortable.  You’ll be able to focus on other things and feel a lot more confident when you know you look good.
2. Practice flirting with strangers every chance you get.  Make eyes and smile at people on the bus and in line at the store.  Make small talk at the bus stop.  The more you talk to strangers, whether or not you’re attracted to them, the easier it becomes to talk to even people you’re interested in.  If a conversation doesn’t go well, you’re unlikely to ever see the person again anyway.
3.  Be aware of your surroundings.  Are they likely to make someone, particularly a lone woman, uneasy?  If she’s alone at night or drunk or in an elevator she may feel trapped or threatened.  Medical offices and funeral/wake/memorial services are also inappropriate places to flirt.  There are billions of people out there for you.  No one person represents your “big chance”, so wait until you meet someone cute in a better situation.
4. Make eye contact.  This does two things: it prevents you from sneaking up on someone and it lets them indicate whether or not they’re interested in talking to you.  If they’re avoiding eye contact, they’re likely not interested.  If they’re frequently returning it, go say hello.
5.  Smile.  A lot of people complain about how they only smile when something’s funny because otherwise it makes them “look stupid” or will “scare people off”.  Wrong.  Just do it.  Smiling is a sign of friendliness, warmth, and openness.  Why do you think that good sales people do it so often?  If you’re going to check someone out, smile while doing it so that they don’t think you’re planning to steal their wallets.  If you’re concerned about the colour of your teeth, there are several over the counter products that work quite well if you can’t afford in-office bleaching.  Straight teeth aren’t everything, either.  Some of the best smiles I know belong to friends with a few or even many crooked teeth.
6. Avoid lines and other PUA tactics such as peacocking, card tricks, and negging.  These gimmicks will be obvious and most people value honesty and confidence over acting.  Instead, try approaching someone and saying “Hi, I’m ____.  I thought I’d be social and come say hello.”  The best approach I’ve ever experienced was when a guy abandoned the field during a soccer game to say that he thought I was cute and wanted to meet me.  They may or may not want to talk with you, but you’ll come across as confident rather than insecure and hiding behind lines.
7.  Don’t have a goal when you talk to someone.  People will notice and you’ll come off as creepy.  People who are confident and have high self-esteem don’t give out their numbers or ask people out if they haven’t even spoken to the person yet.  What if they’re mean or you have absolutely nothing in common?  Show some respect for them and for yourself by saying hello and seeing what they’re like.  Otherwise, you come across as desperate and controlling.  Trying to plan out human interaction and inserting whoever comes along into your plan without caring to find out  who they are is a terrible idea.  You’re also less likely to be disappointed if your goals are friendly and broad.
8. Watch peoples’ body language.  It often tells you better than words what their feelings are.  Be careful if someone turns their body away from you, fiddles with anything at hand, isn’t smiling, avoids eye contact, or picks their teeth and nails.  There are all signs someone isn’t interested.  Women in particular are often shy to tell people to go away because they are raised to avoid being “bitches” at all costs.  On the other hand, if someone smiles, makes a lot of eye contact, laughs, touches you, and plays with their hair, they likely find you interesting, though they might just be friendly.
9. Always respect “no”.  The chances that someone is playing hard to get are slim and you are going to look like a creep.  Never ask someone out after they say “no” or try to touch them.  Even if they are playing hard to get, why would you encourage that behaviour?  It’s better to possibly miss out on a hook up then to end up accused of sexual harassment or up on sexual assault charges.
10. Realize that neither acceptance nor rejection is a big deal.  Confidence us one of the most attractive qualities a person can have, and strong self-esteem is built from within, not on the opinions of others.  People will not always be around to shore up your self-esteem.  People are attracted to one another for a multitude of reasons, so if someone isn’t into you, it’s not important.  It doesn’t necessarily reflect poorly on you.  Anyway, someone else will find you attractive.