Flirting with a Co-worker

Flirting with a co-worker is less risky than flirting with a superior or a subordinate as it doesn’t expose you to accusations or either abusing your power or using flirtation to get ahead.  There can still be complications, however, if you and your co-worker are in competition on any level.  You need to familiarize yourself with your workplace’s policy on relationships between employees and sexual harassment.  Sexual harassment is unwanted attention of a sexual nature, so you need to be certain as to whether or not your flirtation is wanted.  Look for signs that it isn’t, such as avoidance of eye contact or monosyllabic responses.  If anyone, whether the object of your attention or another co-worker tells you to stop your behaviour, do so immediately.

If you want to be successful in your attempts at flirtation, you need to be someone your co-workers will want to be around.  Don’t discuss your problems or dwell on the negative.  Outside of the office, do the things that you need to do to be happy.  Take time to listen to, watch, or read something funny every day and you’ll find yourself in a better mood.  If you have a good (and office-appropriate) joke, share it.  Tease people in a good-natured way.  Tell someone he is the office troublemaker and you have an eye on him.  Before you leave for work in the morning, focus on the good things in your life.  Stay away from people who are negative by minimizing your interactions with the Debbie and Donald Downers in your life.  Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and expresses your personality within the confines of work appropriateness.  When you are comfortable in your appearance and in yourself, you’ll appear more attractive to others.

Flirting should make your co-worker feel more confident and attractive.  You should find ways to make her feel good about herself without crossing the lines of good taste.  Some good questions to ask yourself are: “Do I find myself comparing my office crush to my partner?”, “Would you behave differently if your partner was present,” and “Do I find myself thinking of him often, even when not at work?”  If you answered “yes” to any of these, your flirtation may not be appropriate, either because it is no longer merely friendly or because you are becoming emotionally involved.

There are many ways you can inspire good feelings in your co-workers.  Compliment her about work-related matters (“I know I can count on you to always have the reports ready” or “Your presentation was great!”).  Keeping the subject matter to office performance limits the likelihood of your appreciation being misconstrued as sexual harassment.  You can also work from compliments you receive.  If someone compliments your shoes, outfit, or hair, wear them if you know he’ll be around (this is less effective if you work alongside him on a regular basis).  Ask her questions about her ideas or work that show you’re interested in what she has to say.  Smile a lot and laugh at his jokes.  Sparing physical contact can also be effective.  If he’s telling you something, lean in slightly as if to hear it better, and then lean back when he’s done (you don’t want to violate his personal space).  Touch him lightly on the shoulder or the arm as you’re talking. 

Make sure you don’t limit your attentions to a single person, however, as it’s less likely that he’ll misinterpret your flirtation as genuine interest in a physical or romantic relationship or make him feel uncomfortable being singled out.  If you have a reputation as someone who is friendly with everyone, your behaviour won’t cause anyone particular concern. 

Don’t fall into the trap of believing that anything you say or do at the office is really private.  Workplaces can be incredibly gossipy and there’s often someone keeping an eye on you and ready to repeat what they saw or overheard, perhaps even with embellishments.  E-mails can be accidentally sent to the wrong person and are sometimes monitored, so they are not the way to communicate a flirtatious message. 

Be especially careful with physical contact.  While touching someone’s arm or hand can be okay, kisses, and shoulder or back rubbing can make even observers uncomfortable.  If anyone complains to you, stop your flirting immediately.  Even when it’s not offensive to others, it can be distracting, especially if you’re working in cubicles or another sort of open-floor office.  If you keep these guidelines in mind, however, you should be able to flirt relatively safely and make your office a more enjoyable place to be.