The Risks of Flirting

Most people flirt, whether they intend to or not.  Flirting is how we are taught to interact with members of the opposite sex when we don’t have enough information about them to tell us how to behave with them.  It can simply be fun, or it can be a useful way to determine whether or not you’re likely to get a “yes” if you ask someone out.  It can make friendships stronger and workplaces more enjoyable, but it also comes with risks, whether or not the person you’re flirting with seems to be enjoying your attention.

The first risk people tend to think of is “What if he’s not interested?”  This may actually be the least of your worries, but it’s still worth looking at.  If the person is a stranger, if he dislikes your flirting and you strike out, it’s not that big of a deal.  You didn’t go right out and say you were interested, right?  Chances are you’ll never see him again, and unless your friends were observing, they won’t be teasing you about what happened.  For this reason, strangers are some of the best people to flirt with, even if you’re just practising in order to be more confident when flirting with people you know you’re interested in. 

If the person is someone you work or go to school with, however, things can be a lot more awkward.  Some people are generous and will do anything they can think of to avoid hurting your feelings or making the situation between you two uncomfortable, others will trumpet your words and actions to anyone who will listen.  A good way to avoid the latter scenario is to flirt with everyone of either gender as often as possible.  That way no one will feel singled out and if anyone complains they’ll likely be told, “oh, he’s like that with everyone not just you.” 

There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment and unfortunately it’s impossible to explain exactly where that line lies because it’s different for every person.  Flirting is only acceptable when all parties involved are enjoying themselves.  Be alert for body language that suggests that your attention is unwanted.  If anyone, whether the person you’re flirting with or another says that you’re flirting is distracting or asks you to stop, stop immediately.  Most people try to deal with flirting subtly before directly asking someone to stop her behaviour, so you need to take these requests seriously or you may find yourself in a lot of trouble. 

Other problems may arise when you’re flirting for fun and the person you’re flirting with believes that you have more serious intentions.  Not only can this lead to awkward misunderstandings between friends if one complains only to find the first was never intentionally flirting, but most people dislike being in the position of having to tell someone interested in them, who thinks his feelings are returned, that you don’t like him.  We’re taught to be polite, so many people will go great lengths trying to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings, and make the situation worse in the long run.  While usually being in this position is just embarrassing, you have little way of knowing if someone will become angry or violent when you explain the situation.  Even if someone seems to take the news well, he can do all sorts of sneaky things behind your back.  No one likes to be led on, but some take it worse than others.  Evens someone who may have been okay with the flirting previously may change his mind once he realises that the situation meant more to him than to you.  If you’re going to flirt, it’s best not to limit your attentions to only a few people.
 

Finally, flirting can cost you your job if you’re flirting with someone you are in a position of power over, or who is a minor.  Even if you flirt with someone in a position of power over you, you can still find yourself in hot water.  Read up on your workplace’s sexual harassment and office relationship policies in order to inform yourself of the risks.  It’s smarter to just not flirt at work, but at least educate yourself on the matter.  No one wants allegations of sexual harassment thrown at them, as such accusations often stick even if nothing is ever proven.  It’s better to avoid the situation in the first place. 

You shouldn’t take this to mean that you shouldn’t flirt, just that you should exercise caution.  While most are aware of how fun flirting can be, most aren’t aware of all the risks.  Strangers are the best people to flirt with, so if you’re not certain, stick to them and keep it out of your workplace.