Flirting with Someone Online

With an increasing number of people using the internet, particularly for dating, more people are interesting in learning how to flirt with someone online.  Even if you have no intention of meeting the person, who may live on the other side of the world, it can be a fun escape.  It can also serve as a way of meeting a partner.  No matter whom you are flirting with or why, here are some things to keep in mind.

When flirting with someone, either in person or online, you don’t want to seem desperate.  Avoid always starting the conversation.  It’s okay to begin sometimes, but if they never initiate or respond to you, you should move on and find someone more “talkative”.  To begin, you should say something decidedly un-flirty (tell him or her about your day and ask about his or hers, for example) to see if they seem interested in talking to you.  When you talk about your day, always make it sound interesting and/or funny.  People are attracted to others with a good sense of humour and interesting lives. 

If they don’t respond with one-word answers or ignore you altogether, ask him or her about him- or herself and his or her interests.  People enjoy talking about themselves and the online world is no exception.  They will likely think it’s sweet that you are interested enough to ask.  Just don’t delve too deeply or you may come off as unduly involved.  When discussing interests or opinions, don’t be too “agreeable”.  Stand firm on your values and convictions, but show a willingness to discuss his or her ideas.  Don’t pretend to like something just because they like it, even if it’s as seemingly unimportant as a TV show or band.  People generally like others to be their own independent people, not carbon copies of themselves.  Show that you are paying attention to his or her interests by sending him or her a link to a website or an article you think he or she might find interesting.  Discuss it with them when they’ve had time to look at it. 

As with face-to-face flirting, teasing is key.  Do it gently and pick subjects that are unlikely to hurt his or her feelings or leave him or her feeling like you’re an insensitive jerk.  Because it can be hard to guess the true meaning behind words typed on the internet without the benefit of tone of voice and body language, try using emoticons such as :-) and :-P to show that you’re being silly.  Make sure that you can take what you dish out if they tease you back.  Laugh (“lol (“laugh out loud”), “haha”, or “hehe” all work) when they say something funny.  If you think he or she has a good sense of humour, tell him or her so.  Make sure your conversations stay positive because you want them to be something he or she looks forward to and enjoys.

Here are a few tips and warnings you should keep in mind when it comes to flirting with someone online.  Leave a minute or two between responses; it will keep you from looking like you’re desperate and have nothing better to do than hang on to his or her every word (which can feel overwhelming when you’re not even dating).  In the same vein, keep the offline messages to a minimum because you want to seem like you have a busy and interesting life, not clingy.  Plus, how can he or she miss you if you never go away?  This doesn’t mean you should talk about other people you are interested in.  It can make you look like a player and a braggart and possibly hurt the other person’s feelings.  Check your messages for mistakes in spelling and grammar.  Text speak “R u going 2 b @ the party l8er?”) makes you look childish and should be avoided.  If things seem to be progressing well between the two of you, try using a nickname for the person and see how he or she responds. 

People may not be who they say they are.  They may be older or young than they say, of the opposite sex, or from a different country then that they present online.  Try not to get too attached without meeting someone or be upset if you stop hearing from him or her.  Online contacts disappear all the time, sometimes intentionally and sometimes as their lives offline get in the way.  Because you don’t really know who you’re talking to (unless they are someone you already know offline) you should be careful when giving out contact information such as your address or phone number.  If you intend to meet the person, you should “talk” with them at least twice before asking him or her to meet.  Waiting too long is also problematic, as it can lead you to build up a false idea of him or her in your head.  To avoid disappointment (even if they don’t lie or intentionally misrepresent themselves), you should not chat longer than two weeks before meeting.  Even if you have exchanged genuine photos, people tend to select photos of themselves at their best, and you might not be as impressed with their everyday (and non-Photoshopped) appearance.  Even video can be misleading.  Although webcams wash people out, they also minimize wrinkles, discolorations, and blemishes and can make people look better than they do in reality.  None of this is to say that you shouldn’t meet someone from online, just that you should be realistic in your expectations.  If you do plan to meet someone, don’t reveal everything about yourself.  It is always awkward to show up to a date and realize that you don’t have any “getting to know you” conversation fuel left because you blabbed about everything online. 

Flirting online should be fun no matter what your goal is.  If you keep all these dos and don’ts in mind, you should be successfully flirting in no time.