Dating Websites

Dating websites are incredibly useful for those who have difficulty meeting new people due to time or geographic constraints.  There are websites catering to hobby, ethnic group, race, religion, and sexual orientation.  It’s also smart to determine the ratio of male to female users so you can choose one that works in your favour.  These sites generally allow you to put up a profile with a photo explaining who you are, what you interests are, and what you’re looking for.  Users can then send each other messages with the intention of conversing and then working out a time and place to meet.  It’s not intended to replace real-life dating, it merely serves as way of making introductions.

You might be tempted to try out a free site and, to be honest, it’s a decent place to start, but there are reasons for and against it.  Free sites have large numbers of users and don’t involve sharing your credit card information, but because accounts are free they are popular with scammer s and adult service providers.  People also feel less invested with free sites and often abandon their profiles, leaving you messaging someone who isn’t there.  Paid sites tend to have better features and customer support, improved search functions, and the users tend to be more attractive, better educated, more financially stable, and more serious about meeting and dating. The downsides include shady billing practices and a greater feeling of disappointment if you don’t find a partner.

The top five dating websites, e-Harmony, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, and Lavalife each have their own unique advantages and disadvantages.  EHarmony has one of the best matching systems, but many of its users aren’t paying members so if they show up in your matches, they can’t answer your massages.  Match.com has a nifty keyword search function that allows you to search for people who share you interests in your area, but it continues to display ads to paying members.  Plenty of Fish has very active forums with discussions about dating and relationships, but plenty of scammers and abandoned profiles.  OkCupid has reached a wide audience with its OKTrends blog tracking site statistics and a button showing how often a user responds to messages, but it also has ads and no video upload or chat capabilities.  Lavalife allows users to post three separate profiles in the relationship, dating, and intimate encounters sections if you’re looking for more than one thing, but doesn’t allow users to turn off instant messaging, so women are inundated with chat requests when they trying to check their accounts.

Men and women each face unique challenges when it comes to online dating.  On most sites there are more men than women and men generally take the role of pursuers while women tend to respond to the messages they receive.  This results in a situation where women receive more messages than they can keep up with and men can’t get responses to the messages they send.  Men also tend to hear from scammers pretending to be attractive women, while women receive unsolicited sexual messages from men, often in the form of rambling “erotic” stories into which the author has inserted himself and the reader.  Most sites allow people to block specific users, so take advantage of it!

In order to get a better message response rate, a man should include at least two profile photos, one of his face and one showing his body type.  He should try to make himself sound funny and intelligent, filling out the entire profile.  He should list his interests, being as specific as possible.  Don’t lie about anything.  Many men lie about their income, jobs, ages, weight, and height, thinking women will overlook all this once she gets to know his personality, but this is a waste of everyone’s time and makes you seem deceitful and insecure.  Make sure that your profile’s free of spelling and grammatical errors.  Have as many female friends as you can look it over and give you feedback. Don’t get discouraged, however, as even with a great profile, most women won’t message you back.

It’s incredibly difficult to get women to write back because they don’t have time to respond to all of their e-mails.  This means that you have to make your e-mail stand out and convince her to look at your profile.  Many of the messages women receive are single liners or form letters talking about how attractive she is.  Show that you aren’t using a form message and that you have read her profile by referencing it in the message.   Talk about any interests you have in common and then ask her an open-ended question.  Don’t compliment her appearance.  Everyone does that.  It’s okay to admit that it’s a bit awkward writing a first message.  In fact, according to OKTrends, it actually increases your response rate.

If some of the top five dating websites haven’t been working for you, you should consider trying a more specialized dating service.  Whether your specific interest is casual sex, an affair, your religion, pets, a particular subculture, inmates, recreational drug use, your disability, your height or that of prospective dates, your mental illness, a philosophy, a “mutually beneficial” relationship, geeks, music, education, accents, your STI, your professional field, your fetish, older or younger people, body modification, people of the same sex, a particular race, or single parents, there’s a site out there for you.

Matchmaking services are much more expensive than online dating sites, but many produce better results.  They provide a more personal service with in-person interviews with each candidate.  They must maintain at least one office for these meetings.  The high price deters people who aren’t successful and who aren’t serious about finding a long-term partner.  Some waive fees for women to maintain a ratio of three women to every two men, while others charge them just as much as men.  Most matchmakers screen potential clients to ensure that they don’t have criminal backgrounds and that they aren’t already married.  This makes clients feels safer going out on dates.  Some also act as dating coaches and provide feedback on your behaviours and your dates’ opinions.  The higher fees are the result of more support, effort, and personalized service on the behalf of the matchmaker.

One of the largest problems people come across on online dating websites is fake profiles and users.  There are many reasons people create these personas, from financial gain to finding a sort of satisfaction in laughing at the perceived loserdom of others.  But there are several hints you can pick up on by looking at a profile, messages, and photos that indicate a fake.  If you are suspicious, you can use Google Image Search or Tineye to see if the photos have been used anywhere else online and Googling the text of the profile to see if it’s been used elsewhere.  Check for inconsistencies, inaccuracies, and mistakes in the profile information and messages.