Flirting in an Elevator

Flirting in an elevator is generally a bad idea, especially if you’re a man.  In most situations, if a person doesn’t want to be flirted with, she can say goodbye and move elsewhere.  Elevators are confined spaces, so this isn’t an option.  The encounter only ends when one of you arrives at his or her floor.  You have a captive audience.  The situation can be made even more uncomfortable if the elevator is otherwise empty.  This can make the person feel even less at ease as there’s no one else present to keep your behaviour in check.  You may know that you’re a stand-up person that means no harm, but she has no way of knowing that.  Although it may feel more awkward for you, you may have more luck if the two of you have an audience.  You might not want to be rejected in public, but she may not want to be chopped into little bits.  To simplify, when a man approaches a woman, he may fear “messing things up” or being humiliated if she rejects him.  A woman who is approached may fear murder and sexual assault.  That’s not to deny that women rape and murder, it just happens to be less common and doesn’t seem to be a particular concern among most men.  When trying to flirt with someone you should consider your surroundings and the time of day and think about how these might impact someone’s reaction.

If you’re a man who can’t help himself and absolutely must flirt in the elevators or a woman (yes, it’s unfair, but that’s the way it is), here are some tips to minimize the awkwardness and your chance of being pepper sprayed.  You can try to watch her body language to watch for any signs of discomfort, but this exchange will likely be short so that by the time you realize you’re making her feel awkward, one of you will leave anyway.  If this is an elevator that you ride often (your apartment building, at work, etc.) you should try to make eye contact, smile, and then look away. Check if the person is smiling back and repeat.  If she is, say hi.  If this isn’t an elevator you take often, just dive in with the hello.  It’s a Hail Mary play at the best of times, so just take a shot.  Having first made certain that your watch and/or cell phone is out of sight, ask if she has the time.  If she doesn’t, you’re out of luck.  You might as well go for it and say: “That’s okay, I was really just looking for an excuse to talk to you anyway.”  You’re already betting on a long shot.  If she does have the time, thank her and make a joke about how you’re always late or need a watch.  Introduce yourself and, if it’s an elevator you frequent, say goodbye with a smile.  Tell her you hope to see her around.  If not, ask for her phone number.  If she says no, at least you’ll probably never see her again.   Don’t be surprised if the number she gives you is a fake.  She may feel pressured to be kind to you out of the sheer discomfort of the situation or even fear.  Obviously, people should be honest about their level of interests, but when someone’s stuck alone in a confined space with a  stranger whose intentions she has no way of knowing, can you blame her for playing along a little to protect herself from potential verbal or physical abuse.