Flirting Basics

Flirting is incredibly complicated if you’re not one of the people who pick it up naturally as they grow into adulthood.  Thankfully, there are some basics you can learn without too much trouble that make the whole process a lot easier.  You should always make an effort to look your best whenever you leave the house or have someone over, practice flirting with strangers whenever you have a chance, be careful approaching people if your surroundings are likely to make them feel uneasy, make eye contact, smile, avoid lines and other PUA tactics, don’t approach people with an agenda, observe body language, always respect “no”, and be confident enough to realise that acceptance and rejection are ultimately unimportant.

When it comes to flirting and dating almost everyone knows that confidence is key.  Confident people know their value and don’t have a problem approaching even total strangers they find attractive because they know what they’re worth knowing and that any possible rejection probably doesn’t reflect negatively on them.  Their confidence isn’t based on what strangers think of them, but rather on their values, skills, and good qualities.  This self-assurance makes people with it more attractive and those without it less attractive no matter what they look like.  People who are confident put less pressure on friends and the people they’re dating because their happiness and self-esteem aren’t contingent on having any one person in their lives.  They are comfortable on their own even when they hope to meet a partner.  Confident people are lower maintenance because they don’t need constant reassurance from others to feel comfortable.  In short, if you lack confidence, consider dealing with that before you jump into dating, as you are unlikely to build a healthy relationship of any sort with low confidence. 

Many people hold back from approaching people they find attractive because they fear being perceived as “creepy.”  Creepy is a very subjective term but for the most part you can avoid the label by being polite, honest, and practicing common courtesy.  Try to always look your best, don’t approach people with a goal beyond saying hello and seeing what they’re like, practice approaching strangers regardless of appearance, age, gender, etc., don’t talk yourself out of any approaches, make eye contact and smile before you approach anyone, don’t use lines, ask an open-ended question about something you suspect you have in common, and don’t buy someone a drink before you’ve talked to them for a while.  All of these should lower your chances of coming across as creepy.  Keep in mind though that everyone is going to have different tastes and not everyone will want to talk to you, but that this doesn’t have to reflect poorly on you.

Body language and reading signals is almost an art form.  Women tend to be much better at it than men, having been socialized to pay attention to it from a young age.  Some signs that someone might be interested are frequent eye contact, smiles, isolating themselves from friends, mirroring your actions, turning their body toward you, and primping.  Signs that someone is probably not interested include avoiding eye contact, staying close to friends, angling their body away from you, fiddling with whatever’s at hand, grooming in public, and avoiding your touch.  Friendly people tend to give off positive signals while shy people give off negative ones. Practice is the only way to get better at distinguishing one type from another.