Flirting with a Lesbian

Men

If you are a man, you need to be aware that she identifies as a lesbian because she is exclusively, or at least primarily, attracted to women.  Your chances of hooking up with her or dating her are incredibly low.  This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t flirt with her, however.   It’s just that you need to keep reasonable goals in mind.  Have fun and see if you’d get along as friends.  Just be polite and if she asks you to stop, be respectful and stop.  There are plenty of straight women out there. Be very sparing with bodily contact and watch carefully to see if she seems at all angry or uncomfortable with your behaviour.  Watch out for arm crossing or finding excuses to end the conversation. 

Approach her and comment on your surroundings, asking her a question about the party/art gallery/bus stop that allows her to either give you a monosyllabic answer indicating a lack of interest or to start a conversation.  Don’t make a big deal out of her sexual orientation any more than you would a straight man or women.  Treat her like an ordinary person, not an exotic animal.  Don’t tell her, “I’m gay, too!” or “We have one thing in common!” or try any lines because she has already heard them all and is likely sick of them. 

Once she’s talking with you, you can take some important steps.  If something happening around you is funny, tell her a joke about it to cement her feeling that you two are closer than you actually are and have an inside joke.  Tease her light-heartedly about things that are unlikely to hurt her feelings or make her think that you’re a jerk.  Keep the conversation positive and she might remember that you’re a cool guy and want to spend more time with you.  Lesbians can make excellent friends because unlike other women, sex is off the table, thereby removing one of the most common obstacles to cross-gender friendships. 

Women

If you are a woman, you can disregard most of the warnings above.  If you know the girl you’d like to flirt with is gay, you are already ahead of the game.  You won’t have to awkwardly try to ascertain her sexual orientation without asking her straight out (pun absolutely intended). 

Firstly, you need to catch the lady’s eye.  Make eye contact, smile for a few seconds, and then look away.  After a minute or so, do it again.  Is she avoiding your eye contact, rolling her eyes, or standing with her arms crossed?  Then you’ll likely want to direct your attention elsewhere.  If she smiles back, move away from your friends for a few minutes (if you came with friends).  Some people are too intimidated to approach a group but may be less shy one-on-one.  If she doesn’t come talk to you first, go say hello.  Make a comment about the situation you’re both in and ask her a question about it.  This allows her to either continue the conversation or to express her lack of interest with a monosyllabic answer.

If she wants to talk, you can start the fun stuff.  If the two of you witness something amusing, tell her a joke about it.  This will make her feel like you have an inside joke and know each other better than you do.  Ask about her hobbies, interests, and family.  Most people appreciate an opportunity to talk about themselves and like when others show interest in understanding who they are.  It also allows you re-evaluate your goals in talking to her.  Would you like to be friends?  Take her home?  Go on a date?  Or are you just having fun chatting?  Take the chance to ask her opinion on something to do with one of her interests.  This will show that you think she’s intelligent and that you value her knowledge and experience.  If you like her outfit or think she has great eyes, tell her so.  Just don’t overdo the compliments or you could come across as creepy and fawning.  Balance it out with some teasing, just keep it light-hearted and avoid topics that she may find offensive.  Does she cheer for the “wrong” sports team?  Is she from the city while you’re from the country?  A joking rivalry can create a sort of bond between the two of you. 

At least as important s what you’re saying is what you’re doing.  When you talk, lean in a little.  If you are taking part in a group conversation, keep your body facing her.  Touch your neck occasionally and play with your hair a little.  Don’t do it too often or you may seem nervous.  Lift your hair off your neck as if it’s hot out.  Touch or lick your lips, or apply lip gloss.  This will draw here eyes to these parts of your body and maybe make her wonder what it would be like to touch them.  If your conversation is going well, touch her hand or arm lightly as you talk.  If you’re sitting at a table, you may wish to “accidentally” bump against her leg with your foot.

Unless she is completely oblivious, she should be aware of your interest.  Lesbians tend to be on the alert for signs of flirtatious behaviour in women.  Not everyone who “looks” gay is and the same goes for those who “appear” to be straight.  She may not offer her number or ask for yours if you haven’t been explicit about your sexual orientation, since many straight women will flirt with lesbians.  They see these interactions as safe and fun, but have no real interest.  You may have to be the one to ask for a number, but that should be no problem for a confident woman like you.