Reading Signals

Women are socialized from an early age to read others’ body language.  Men and those with disorders such as Aspergers’s Syndrome are often left in the dust.  There’s no way anyone can correctly interpret body language all of the time since everyone is different.  The best way to improve your skills is to practice talking to strangers, co-workers, family, and friends and observing the ways they move and act.  To help you get started, here are some signals and what they often mean.

Positive

1.       Eye contact.  If someone makes eye contact, it’s often a hint that they’d be open to speaking with you, particularly if it’s repeated.  Women in particular tend to make a lot of eye contact when they’re receptive to being approached.

2.       Smiling.  If someone is smiling more than usual and at you in particular, they might be interested.  A smile is meant to be disarming and conveys warmth and friendliness, whereas a stare or look without smile is often perceived as threatening.  Making eye contact with smile is usually better received.

3.       Moving away from the group.  If someone is with friends, isolating themself for a few minutes can be intended to give you a less threatening opportunity to approach them.  Some people are also more private than others and may dislike flirting in front of friends.

4.       Angling body towards you.  Usually people will turn themselves toward the person or thing that has their interest.

5.       Mirroring your motions.  This usually subconscious mimicry shows that the person is paying close attention to you and your movements and feels a sort of bond between you. 

6.       Touching themselves.  Smoothing clothes, playing with hair, etc. all indicate a subconscious desire to look good.  It also shows a certain degree of willingness to be vulnerable around you.

7.       Touching you.  This is usually a strong sign that someone is interested in you, though many people are touchy with close friends or have learned to use it to get where they want.  Wait staff in particular often touch customers because it results in higher tips.  You’ll have to use your judgment when determining why someone is touching you.

Negative

1.       Avoiding eye contact.  Generally people avoid eye contact with people they dislike, those who make them uncomfortable, and if they want to avoid further social interaction with someone.  Some people are just shy, though.

2.       Staying close with their friends.  Do they stay close with them even after you’ve made eye contact and smiled at them?  People will often move even closer to a friend if someone is making them feel uncomfortable or if they don’t want someone to approach them.  Many others are just out to have a good time with their friends and are not seeking attention of any sort.

3.       Angling body away from you.  This is a pretty clear sign of disinterest.  We face the things and people we want to view and interact with.

4.       Fiddling with anything at hand.  It could be a cell phone, keys, jewellery, a glass, cutlery, etc.  This can either be sign or boredom or a lack of interest.  Some fiddle when they’re nervous.

5.       Engaging in “gross” grooming.  While smoothing hair and clothes is usually a good sign, cleaning nails, picking teeth, poking at scabs, or digging out ears for wax or bellybuttons for lint is a clear hint that someone doesn’t view you as a potential romantic or sexual partner.

6.       Avoiding your touch.  Do they pull their hand away if you touch it or turn their face if you try to kiss them?  This is a very clear signal that they aren’t interested.

Don’t worry if all this is hard to remember.  It’s not impossible to learn to read body language later in life, it just takes some work.  Practice!  The more you interact with people, the more you’ll pick up on it.  If you have an autism spectrum disorder or similar issue, you should consider seeking some sort of help from a professional experienced in improving social skills.