Almost everyone flirts.
Most of the time, it isn’t even a conscious act (except when it comes to
canned lines and come-ons). Why do we do
it? The primary reason is biological: we
need to attract a partner and pass on our genes by having children, and
flirting helps achieve that. Environment
can play a role, too: we’re more likely to flirt when we have experienced or
are experiencing something frightening or exciting and when we feel warm rather
than cold. Of course, much of the time
we do it because it’s fun. It’s simply
how we interact with members of the opposite sex in the absence of other
information about them. It’s usually
light hearted and indirect, but it loses it subtlety online, as the lack of
facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice prevents people from
correctly interpreting the meaning behind less direct words.
The people who attract the most attention aren’t necessarily
best looking. They’re the best flirters
and the reason for their success seems to be the number of people they flirt
with. The more people make eye contact
with and smile at others, the more often they’re approached or approach others
successfully.
Flirting is important because it allows you to get to know
someone in a low-pressure, low-risk environment before you potentially create
life with her. Flirting also gives
people an advantage in seeking a partner by making them seem more valuable. Both men and women are attracted to the
opposite sex when they are surrounded by women.
Being with other women seems to make men look like a better choice (why
else would so many women be interested in him?) while hanging out with other
men makes women less attractive, perhaps because the man fears rejection or
being compared unfavourably to other men.
Evolutionary psychologists might suggest that this is because men want
to be certain that their offspring are really theirs, and a woman with lots of
male friends could have ample opportunity to be unfaithful. Regardless, if you want to be perceived as
more attractive, spend more time out with your girlfriends.
Men and women often flirt differently. Men tend to be less subtle, more direct, and
flirt less with women they’re not actually interested in. They flirt for a reason, whether it’s to get
a phone number, go on a date, or have sex, whereas women are more likely to
flirt for the fun of it, with no particular purpose in mind. It’s theorized that having more men
interested in a woman drives up her “value” and makes it more likely that
she’ll attract the best possible mate.
If this is the case, however, this thought process isn’t usually
conscious. Also, what defines a
“high-status” male or female isn’t purely biological (hourglass figure; large,
strong build; etc.), but is impacted by cultural factors as well. Someone with a great sense of humour can
outshine someone else with all the physical markers of fertility.
So
why do people who have found a partner continue to flirt? Some are looking to have an affair or find a
better partner, but most others are looking for reaffirmation that they can
still hold another person’s attention or find another partner should their
current one die or leave. Others would
like their partner to notice them flirting with someone else so that they’ll
pay more attention to them once they see that they are desired by others. Flirting, even when innocent, is more
exciting and “dangerous” when you’re not single, so many find it thrilling. It’s a way of feeling a dim reflection of the
euphoric high you feel as someone falls in love with you, without risking the
destruction of your family or hurting your partner.
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