Flirty Messages

Flirtatious messages can be a good way of keeping in touch with or strengthening your bond with a partner or someone you’re hoping to hook up with or date.  What you write about, though, depends on who you’re writing to.  For a partner, texts, e-mails, and IMs can help keep things sexy whether you’re together or apart.  Send him messages about how hot last night was and how you can’t wait to repeat it ASAP.  Or, let him know that you’ll be waiting for him after work wearing that thing you know he likes (or nothing at all!).  This will keep him thinking of you all day long and will ensure the sparks fly when you’re together again.  Just make sure that he’s deleting the messages and keeping them to himself.

Not all of your messages have to be naughty.  Try telling her that you love her, miss her, or that she’s wonderful.  Just because.  It doesn’t have to be constant, or even daily, but it will make her feel special and confident in your love even when you’re apart.  Compliment her on her looks and her skills (“Just wanted to say what you were wearing this morning looked amazing” or “I’m lucky to have such a great handywoman around”).  The goal of flirtation is to make the other person feel more attractive and confident so that she’ll associate you with having fun and feeling good.  You may be wondering what the point of all this mushy stuff is.  You want to see an improvement in the bedroom, not audition for a romantic comedy.  Really though, when you make someone feel secure in your love, she’ll be more comfortable and confident and things will likely improve on a sexual level as well. 

Messages can also be a way of engaging in flirtation with someone you’re interested in having a physical or romantic relationship with, whether or not you’ve met him.  If you haven’t yet met in person, send him messages asking where he’s from and what his interests are.  You’ll be better able to gauge if you’re well matched for any sort of relationship and he’ll likely be flattered that you’re interested in getting to know him as a person (which will set you apart in a positive way). 

Just because the flirting isn’t being done face to face doesn’t mean you can neglect teasing.  When you asked about his interests, his responses should have given you some teasing ammunition.  If he attended a rival university, tell him you’re enemies and can no longer be friends.  If he enjoys documentaries, call him a nerd.  Teasing is one of the ways people express affection in intimate relationships with family, friends, and lovers.  By teasing someone, you can simulate the feeling of someone having known you a long time and of being good friends when you aren’t well-acquainted. 

To balance out all the teasing you’re doing, you should compliment the person occasionally after you’ve met.   Before you’ve met you don’t really know anything about someone, so it can be hard to give sincere compliments (and compliments should always be sincere).  Let her know that she’s hot, has great fashion sense, is funny, or smart.  If you can make her feel more confident about herself, she’ll associate feeling good with you spending time together. 

Whatever you’re writing to whomever, make sure that you keep your messages short.  No more than three sentences per text and five per e-mail or IM is a good general rule.  You don’t want the person to open it, see that it’s long, promise herself she’ll read it later when she has time, and then forget all about it.  Be honest in your messages and don’t make promises you can’t keep, or else the person you’re interested in may move on to more reliable and trustworthy individuals.