Flirting at the Office

Flirting at the office can be a lot of fun, but it has its attendant dangers.  Before you even consider trying it, read up on your workplace’s policies on sexual harassment and on relationships between staff.  Office flirtation is only acceptable when both parties are willing, so you need to be on the alert for any signs of disinterest or discomfort in the person you’re flirting with.  You should be particularly concerned about mutuality and office rules when you’re looking to flirt with a subordinate, as you’re opening yourself up to disciplinary and legal action.  If anyone tells you to stop or says she’s not interested, give up and don’t continue to bother her.

The key to successful office flirting is to be someone other people want to be around.  Dress well and appropriately, but wear things that are “you”.  Stay positive by focusing on the good in your life and doing things that make you happy outside of the office.  Share appropriate jokes and laugh at others’.  Try teasing someone about being the office troublemaker.  When you’re having fun and feel good about yourself it makes you more enjoyable to be around.

If someone compliments your hair, outfit, or shoes, try wearing those things again when you know he’ll be around (this works best if he’s someone you don’t see daily).  Your goal in flirting is to make the other person feel attractive and confident.  Compliment her on work-related matters, as compliments relating to appearance can be misconstrued as sexual harassment.  Smile a lot.  Ask questions to show your interest.  Lean into him slightly as he speaks (then lean out again, you don’t want to crowd him!).  If he seems pleased with your interactions so far, try touching him lightly on the arm or hand when you speak.  If you are introduced to someone new and you shake hands, try covering their hand with your free hand. 

Make sure you flirt indiscriminately.  If you flirt with anyone and everyone, you’re less likely to make anyone feel singled out, uncomfortable, or jealous.  People who have a flirtatious rapport with their co-workers are more likely to come into work with a positive attitude because they know they’ll have fun. 

Now it’s time for all the warnings.  There are some signs to watch out for that can indicate your flirting has crossed the line.  Don’t say or do things you wouldn’t say or do if your partner (or parent) was present.  If you find yourself comparing a co-worker to your partner or thinking about him often when you’re not at work, you may be more emotionally involved in the flirtation than you’ve realized.  

The office is a somewhat public space and nothing that you say or do there is really private.  Be aware that your innocent flirtation may make observers uncomfortable, particularly any physical contact that could be interpreted as more than friendly (shoulder or back rubs, for example).  Since it can be distracting, be polite and stop what you’re doing if anyone brings it up with you.  Don’t write flirtatious e-mails as you never know if yours are being monitored or when you might accidentally send a message to the wrong recipient. 

None of this is to say that you can’t have fun and flirt at work, just that you must be considerate and educated flirt, and avoid making others uncomfortable or leaving yourself open to accusations of sexual harassment.