Although it’s usually harmless, there are some very good
reasons to avoid flirting at the office.
It can leave you with a bad reputation, have legal and disciplinary
consequences, end marriages, and result in unwanted attention.
Most people like to believe that the way to succeed is to
work hard, learn new things, and prove they’ve done the first two with positive
results. They don’t always take it too
kindly, therefore, when someone gets a bigger bonus than they did, when the
only difference in their “performance” is that the other person was a
flirt. This is mainly a problem when
there is a power imbalance between the people flirting. When flirting with a co-worker, there’s only
so much impact she can have on your career. Flirting with your boss or an
employee is a different matter. The
employee may be perceived as promiscuous and under qualified, preferring to use
looks rather than skill to succeed. The
boss may be thought of as weak and easily manipulated by attractive people when
he should have the organization’s best interests at heart or as someone who
abuses his power for his own gain. Even
if flirtation has been minor and innocent, rumour flies and that extra
attention you’ve given someone can destroy your reputation.
Flirting at the office is further complicated when one or
both of you are married or in a committed relationship. In order to keep your flirtation within the
bounds of good taste, make sure you don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t if
your partner was right beside you. If
you cross that line, stop immediately and ask yourself why you did it. If you’re having problems with your partner,
you need to work on your relationship.
If things are beyond repair, end your relationship and maybe you’ll both
meet someone better suited to yourselves.
If you’re flirting because you’re bored at work, ask if there’s
something you could be doing instead of or in addition to your usual work. Even if you haven’t been engaging in any sort
of physical or romantic relationship with your co-worker doesn’t mean that
others haven’t interpreted your light flirtation to mean something more
exciting is afoot. Nothing much is
stopping a person with a bone to pick to send your partner information about
what’s (supposed to be) going on at work.
You have to ask yourself, “Is this flirtation worth destroying my
relationship?”
Another concern relating to flirting at the office is
unwanted attention. If someone is
interested in you they often see flirtatious behaviour and other signs of
interest where there are none. As a
result, their imaginations often run wild if you actually do flirt with them. You can
find yourself in a dangerous situation if you are alone together and he thinks
you’re thinking what he’s thinking (hint: it’s sex). You have no idea how he’ll react if you
explain that you’re not actually interested in him. Most likely it would just be awkward, but
that’s no consolation if he becomes aggressive or decides to make your life at
work difficult. You can also find
yourself in a damaging situation if the person you thought you were just being
friendly with later puts you in a position where you feel you need to pursue a
sexual harassment case against him.
Since flirting is often viewed as a signal of interest, it’s been argued
that he could reasonably have been confused regarding your comfort level with
his behaviour. Your previous flirting
can be used as evidence that his attention wasn’t unwanted. Another possibility is that consensual
flirting can be turned around on you once the flirtation comes to an end. While he might have been happy enough at the
time, the revelation that you have no interesting in pursuing a relationship
with him may make him angry and spiteful enough to claim you sexually harassed
him. This is not to cast suspicion on
those that seek redressing following sexual harassment, rather to acknowledge
the slim risk as one of the many associated with flirting at the office.
Flirtation occurs frequently in the workplace and obviously
most instances don’t end in the ways explored above. There are lots of benefits to flirting in the
office, but you should definitely be aware of the potential consequences of
laying on the charm at work.
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