Flirting with a Stranger

Flirting with strangers can seem intimidating.  After all, you don’t know them or anything about them.  Plus, no one wants to be rejected in public.  Don’t forget, however, that strangers are often some of the “safest” people to flirt with.  Should things go badly, no one will tell your friends (unless they were there to witness it).  You won’t have to see the person every day at work or at school.  They’re also great people to practice flirting with so that you’ll be less nervous and have it down pat when you want to talk to an attractive classmate or co-worker.  Try to avoid wait staff, bartenders, people who work in coffee shops, etc. as they tend to be jaded from receiving unwanted attention constantly as they try to do their jobs.  It’s not impossible to successfully flirt with them, the bar’s just set higher and if you’re a novice flirt you may want to start lower and work your way up.

Smile and make eye contact a few times and if he or she returns your smiles, say hello.  Ask a question (“Is the line for bus passes always this long?”, “Is this store’s coffee really worth the price?” that will allow him or her to politely accept or decline your implied invitation to conversation. 

Be alert to what is going on around you.  If you see something funny or interesting, let him or her know and make a joke about it.  This sort of inside joke makes him or her feel like there’s a closer bond between the two of you than there actually is because you share a secret.  If you can make him or her laugh, you are more likely to have a positive outcome.  Don’t make the conversation all about you and your comedic skills.  Ask him or her questions if he or she isn’t talking as much as he or she should.  Asking about him- or herself, his or her hobbies, and his or her interests should get him or her talking.  He or she will appreciate your interest and the opportunity to talk about him or herself.  You want to keep interactions positive, so don’t share your problems.  People are attracted to others who smile and have fun.  See how he or she reacts to some gentle teasing.  Keep it good-spirited and silly because you don’t want to hurt his or her feelings or come across as a jerk.  Round out any “insults” with a compliment or two about his or her outfit, how he or she did his or her hair, etc.  Don’t overdo it or you may seem fawning. 

You should try to stay aware of your body language. If you face away from the person you’re talking to or cross your arms over your chest, you may seem like you’re not interested.  Often, when one person is attracted to another, they will subconsciously mirror their movements.  You may wish to do so, but keep it subtle.  Though it can serve as an indicator of interest, you don’t want to seem like you’re creepy or that you’re mocking them.  Try running your hands through your hair once or twice and you may get him or her to mimic you or to think about what it would feel like to do the same with you.  If your responses are all very positive, you can try gently touching him or her on the arm or hand as you talk.  You do not want to push physical contact.  If he or she seems at all uncomfortable or asks you to stop, don’t do it again.

Don’t worry about having friends around.  Unless they’re hovering right next to you they can make you look more social and less creepy (particularly female friends if you’re male).  Only flirt with one person at a time or you will look desperate.  People want to feel like they’re special, not that you hit on every man or woman in sight.  Try not to put too many expectations or too much pressure on your interactions with strangers.  Worst case scenario, you’ve asked a stranger how long ago the last bus came, and best case scenario, you have a phone number to set up a date!