Should You Flirt with a Co-worker?

Opinion is split regarding whether or not it’s okay to flirt with a co-worker.  Some emphasize the potential benefits and others the risks.  Both points are valid, however, and only you can decide whether the risks are worth the rewards. 

Office flirtations brighten peoples’ days.  They are glad to come into work because they know there will be some fun to break up the day.  People are more productive in workplaces where a great deal of (consensual) flirtation takes place.  If someone is engaged with their work, they’ll put more effort into it.  Things work best when no one feels anyone is singled out, so if you’re going to flirt, you should flirt with everyone regardless of gender.  It’s less likely that you’ll make anyone feel uncomfortable or jealous.  Also, you should keep flirtation work appropriate: keep compliments limited to work performance and touching to a minimum.

There are also some serious problems associated with flirting with co-workers.  Many men (but not usually women) will flirt out of boredom.  The solution isn’t to engage in or encourage such behaviour, but to find more or different work for them to do that will leave them feeling engaged. 

Flirtation between co-workers can be distracting, even if it’s not offensive (including inappropriate language, touching someone intimately, etc.).  In a best-case scenario, another co-worker might tell you she finds your behaviour distracting so you can stop it, but she may just speak with your boss or Human Resources first and leave you to explain your behaviour.  If anyone brings up your flirtation, stop it immediately.  An office isn’t a private space, so anything you say or do may be noticed.  Your flirtation with a co-worker may earn you a reputation as someone who gets along at work based on his looks and charm rather than on the quality of his work.  Those who disapprove of office flirtation or those who wish they could engage in it but can’t may turn against you.  But there are other risks more serious than this.

Your co-worker could welcome your flirtation, and then act on her feelings, believing you return them.  She might become upset and even aggressive or make your days at work difficult.  Or, he may appreciate your attention until you tell him that you’re not actually interested in a sexual or romantic relationship with him, only to have him decide that your mutual flirtation wasn’t so mutual after all and report you to Human Resources.  Or, your co-worker could misinterpret or be offended by your flirtation and make allegations of sexual harassment against you.  Even if either of the sets of allegations can be proven false, the taint of such accusations is hard to remove and may follow you your entire career.

A situation that most people don’t consider when flirting with a co-worker is: “What will happen if my partner finds out?”  People don’t realize that they’re flirting, don’t worry because they know it’s innocent, or have an attitude of “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”  The office is often a hive abuzz with gossip and there is little real privacy.  There isn’t much standing in the way of someone deeming your flirtation inappropriate and bringing your affair (real or imagined) to your partner’s attention.  When flirting with a co-worker, you need to ask yourself if the benefits of a better work environment are worth the risks of losing your reputation, job, and partner, and exposing yourself to potential abuse.