Flirting in a Chat Room

For some people, a chat room can be the easiest way to flirt since it’s anonymous and they don’t have to worry about their appearances and body language if those are generally causes of concern.  These are some of the same reasons, however, why flirting online can be at least as problematic as flirting offline.

When flirting online, if you feel less nervous because of the anonymity, take advantage of that extra confidence.  Most people dislike making the first move, so impress them by having the guts to do it.  If you like someone’s profile, what she has to say about herself, or what she’s looking for, try inviting her to private chat.  If someone declines your request, don’t take it personally, don’t keep asking, and don’t trash talk her online.  If you want more people to accept your requests, be original.  Don’t just put the same things as everyone else in your profile or use clichés when chatting in the “lobby.”  Give people a reason to want to chat with you.  Don’t make up a character, however.  It’s okay to use a pseudonym or to not want to disclose too much information about where you live, but you’ll likely have more success and things will be less complicated when you’re true to yourself.

If someone wants to chat, great!  If she has a profile, try to get conversation flowing by asking a question about something written on her profile.  Be careful not to ask too many questions, though, or you may come across as either trying to dominate the conversation or as having nothing worthwhile to say.  Be positive in your contributions.  It’s not fun to chat with a stranger from the internet about his problems.  She should have a good time and, depending on what your goals are, look forward to talking to you again. 

Speaking of which, what are your goals?  Are you looking to ever meet her offline?  Are you looking for online sex?  It it’s the latter, be honest with the person, but not explicit or crude (at least not yet!).  If you are seeking real life interaction, it’s okay to talk to someone a few times before bringing it up.  You don’t want to put too much pressure on her too soon. 

While you are chatting, don’t forget to compliment the person.  Make her feel good about herself.  Don’t flatter her too much, however.  Break it up with some light teasing as she reveals her personality and interests to you.  It can be hard to gauge the intention behind words typed on the internet without tone of voice, facial expression, and body language to help interpret them, emoticons come in handy.  Use :-) to show that something is meant to be friendly, :-p for something silly, and ;-) for something flirtatious.  Don’t overuse them, though, or your messages will look like they were written by an eleven-year-old girl. 

If things are going well and you have a webcam, you should invite her to a video chat, either on the chat room site or an instant messaging program like MSN, Yahoo, or Skype.  Not only can it be fun to see each other (making flirting both easier and more complicated), it’s always a good idea to know what someone looks like before committing to meeting her offline.  After all, isn’t it better to be disappointed now than when you meet in person?
 

Finally, don’t be too hurt or worried if she disappears.  This happens frequently as people’s lives get busy offline, so don’t take it personally.  There are literally millions of other people who are looking for someone to talk to.